Clearing Out

I’m not a person that takes a lot of pills. I have my daily vitamins, and once a month I have an Advil day, but aside from that I don’t find it necessary. Last week I pulled everything

 

Clean Sweep

 

out of my medicine cabinet and started examining the contents. I had bottles of pills, potions and pouches of pain killers going back years. I ended up with a pile of medicines that expired collectively between 2004 and 2007. It felt really good to clear out that space and got me wondering what other outdated clutter I was holding onto unnecessarily.

There’s the physical clutter, the stuff that sits around my apartment gathering dust, taking up space. If I don’t love it and haven’t used something in 6 months it’s time for it to be donated or recycled.

Then there’s the energetic clutter. I listened to a conference call hosted by Michael Bernard Beckwith in which he was talking about relationships and answering relationship questions. One caller asked about letting go of the past and Michael started speaking about forgiveness being the key. Keep the good stuff, the great memories and experiences and bless and let go of the rest. Write a letter, have an imaginary conversation with the person, no need to go confronting anyone. As I was listening I became aware of a huge knot in my throat, I felt as though I was choking on it. I.V. whispered the name of a former partner and I knew I was still holding onto something from our relationship and resolved to let that go. But how? How do I do that?

In this case it took care of itself. I was in my shower when I saw myself and my former partner in a counseling session. The practitioner asked me what I would like to say and I started talking about a painful incident that had occurred during our time together. Something I had never been able to talk about freely at the time so the anger and fear I felt had become buried. I was speaking from the heart, expressing my own pain without blaming or pointing fingers, I just got to say how I felt, how this event had affected me, something that had not occurred at the time.  I concluded with forgiving myself for everything, forgiving him for everything and accepting that I was forgiven. I imagined it all being washed down the drain as the shower cleansed my consciousness. The next day I felt exhausted but lighter. I was able to talk to my ex in person and let him know that I will always love him, something I wasn’t sure he knew.

And now I have space. Space for more love to fill up, space for joy to emerge, space through which good can be expressed and I am grateful. Growth is not easy. Something has to change. Room has to be made and there are painful spurts when something good is trying to emerge but is being blocked by an outmoded way of being or thinking, by resentment or regret. That’s when I ask what can I let go of? How is this serving me? I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you.

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It’s all just fruit

Along the way back to mySelf I’ve adopted many spiritual practices: Vedic Meditation, prayer, visualization, affirmation, Reiki, Qi Gong. I flip cards, light incense, om, talk to my plants, pay attention to my dreams. All wonderful, all life-affirming.

Lately though my mind has started kicking up. I went to hear my guru speak last Sunday and it was wonderful, then I went to my prayer class at Agape and it was wonderful, then I saw a client for Reiki and it was wonderful. But my little mind started racing and getting mad. “These are all different? Which is the right one? One talks about settling into cosmic consciousness, another about the Presence behind all things calling it God, and we all know that’s not the God we grew up with, what happened to that guy? Then this other thing refers to universal energy and transcends time and space. Gah! Which is it!” I kept finding myself grumpy, out of sorts and I didn’t want to be around anyone.


It's all just fruit

Then I had a dream about bees in a hive trying keeping the honey separate in the little honeycomb compartments, but it couldn’t be contained and was oozing over the edges. That’s when I realized that’s what mind/ego was doing, it is all just a matter of labeling. If I can give something a name I have power over it. “Fork. Cloud. Bird. Ocean. I name you, you are belonging to me now. ” My mind was so set on having everything in its own pigeonhole when really it’s all the same thing, same life force, same power that is everywhere present. Big concept for little mind.

So instead of battling my mind (how futile that would be) I’m just relabeling all this spiritual technology Fruit from now on. So far my mind seems to be OK with this definition and I can enjoy the fruit in whatever form it appears. Sometimes I fancy an orange while later a mango may tickle my fancy, it’s all one scrumptious source of deliciousness and the more I eat, the better I feel. Here’s to health, wholeness and happiness.

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Light as a feather

My friend thinks I’m cute. He thinks it’s precious the way I find meaning in everything. I prefer to think that I am open to communication with Spirit, and Spirit, being a friendly sort, finds ways to communicate with me that I can grasp. For a fairy like me those ways tend to be simple, natural, magical moments.

Sometimes it’s through I.V. (Inner Voice) Sometimes it’s through a feeling that comes over me when I watch a humming bird, or the ocean, or the way the sun causes the leaves to glow at twilight. Other times it’s through repeating numbers, or a song I catch that answers a question I just posed, or in my ever present turtles.

This weekend, I was in a bit of a fog, letting go of some irrelevant ideas I used to ascribe to. When I’m foggy I like to move so I walk my neighborhood and, on two separate occasions, I was walking when a white feather lifted off the ground, spiraled up into the air, and passed over my head. Twice! Saturday and Sunday in two different places. Both times the feather was on my left side, both times it casually raised up off the sidewalk and nonchalantly moseyed over my head.  The first time I spun around, giggling delightedly like a child – I live in Hollywood so my behavior goes completely unnoticed here – the second time I just stood goggling as the feather kept going up, up, up. I felt like the Double Rainbow guy, “What does it mean? What does it meeeeean?”

The Angels are saying hello

I work with Angels a lot. I mean I call on them when I work with Reiki, I call on them when I get in the car, or on the back of my friend’s motorbike, I ask them to watch me when I sleep.  I invite their help. I ask them to communicate with me, so maybe the feathers are just my Angels checking in, reminding me they are always around.

I don’t know for sure what it means. It was light, it was friendly, it felt like laughter. I felt completely surrounded and loved.  So yeah, I’m cute, I find meaning in things. I believe the Universe is a friendly place and sometimes it just likes to say hello.  Hello.

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I like Turtles

Last October, right before Halloween, I was walking down Hollywood Boulevard having an inner conversation with my Angels, as you do. I asked them to give me a sign that I was on the right path, something they’ve readily done whenever I’ve asked. Usually I’ve told them what I wanted to see. For example, once I said I wanted to see a red ball – but not a red ball I’ve ever seen before. Later that day I was walking when I got an impulse to take a different direction. I found myself stopped in front of a gym staring down at a red ball, some sort of odd-sized medicine ball – unlike any ball I’ve ever seen before, just as I requested. Nicely done Universe.

So this day I.V. asks me “What do you want to see?” I wracked my brain but couldn’t think of what I wanted the sign to be. Eventually I.V. says “Turtle.” Fine, I think, turtle is my sign. I continued walking but now I’m looking for that turtle in all the windows … on the street … staring into people’s faces … looking, looking. Finally  I.V. says “You won’t find it if you keep looking.” So I laughed, forgot all about the turtle and went about my day.

Later that night I was standing outside a bar with a girlfriend, we’re waiting to see a band but we didn’t have tickets so we have to wait for everyone else to go in first. We’re chilling, I’m people watching, minding my business. We’d been there for a while in silence when my friend whips around to me to me and says, “I like turtles!”

I was so surprised, I wanted to shake her. “What? What?” I demanded.
She’s giving me an odd look. “I like turtles?” she repeats.
“Why did you say that?” I almost shrieked.
She looks at me with mild fear etched on her face now. “It was on that guy’s shirt,” she says, “I thought it was funny.”

It was funny. It was hilarious. Brilliant! I was stunned, I would never have guessed that’s the way the turtle sign was going to show up. I didn’t explain my odd behavior to my friend but I was thrilled. My Guides had a great laugh about it and since then pretty much every day a turtle shows up in my awareness one way or another, sometimes in a photo, a comment, a news story, a Twitter update. I don’t look for them, it’s become a running joke, a gentle reminder. You have everything you need.

In his book “Animal Speak” Ted Andrews talks about having a turtle as a totem and the lessons involved. It has been an enlightening journey indeed.

If I ever commit to a tattoo I have a sweet turtle design picked out and ready to go. For now, I’m tickled with the ongoing, wildly varied reminders that all is well.

Oh, and here’s the video the t-shirt was referring to: I like turtles.

I like Turtles
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111 Frozen in Time

This morning I woke up as usual, wondered what time it was and reached for my phone which doubles as my alarm. The phone had frozen at 1:11 am. As any fellow Angel Numbers 101 fans will know 111 is a message meaning:
This number brings you the urgent message that your thoughts are manifesting instantly, so keep your mind-set focused upon your desires. Give any fearful thoughts to Heaven for transmutation.

It turned out to be 7 am but I couldn’t get the phone to unfreeze or even turnoff, I.V. said that if I would sit down, meditate and do some visioning that the phone would be released after that. I’ve stopped questioning I.V., I know that when I don’t pay attention things tend not to go so smoothly, so down I plopped into a sweet space of silent gratitude and considered where my life was headed.  Before I knew it the phone was reminding me it was 7:45, time to get on with the day, it had unfrozen and normal services had been resumed. Mmhmm.

1:11 Frozen in time

note: I.V. = Inner Voice

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Dream Guidance

I remember my dreams every night. That’s my intention. Before I go to sleep I open my dream journal to a blank page and invite Spirit into my dreams, I intend to remember them when I wake up and write them down immediately. Since February I’ve remembered my dreams almost every night. At first I was given three dreams about other people so I’d know that I was receiving accurate guidance. Once I “got” that the guidance could be trusted the content turned to me and my own development.

It is sometimes hard to read, but "A" for effort

This week I found myself extremely challenged by an apparent lack of money. I kept trying to relax into the knowing that everything always works out for me, but I found it very difficult.  The gift here was that I reached out and asked for help, something I’m not comfortable in doing. I mean, I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself right? <Sigh> Ego aside, I was blown away by the support I received in the form of prayer, healing and actual cash. My friend gave me money to pay my rent and immediately a huge sense of relief washed over me. This feeling of relief led to gratitude and was followed by two bonus checks and a gift from my parents, allowing me to pay my friend back after only two days.    See, everything does work out for me, always, in all ways. Another time I’ll be able to trust that more completely thanks to this demonstration of generosity and support.    Enough with the back story, back to my dream.

Last night two of my favorite teachers entered my dream. I was actually dreaming about writing a blog entry and was guided to include two points. I’m guessing someone is going to find this useful, so here goes.

The first teacher was Neale Donald Walsch who reminded me about a passage he posted recently on Facebook regarding the Law of Opposites in which he writes, “This principle states that no sooner will you call something into your reality than its exact opposite will also appear—and always first.”  He gives the example of someone wishing themselves to be the Light, yet the only way to effectively have this experience of being the Light is to also experience Darkness. If Light was all there was there would only be knowing, rather than the experience of Being.

Then my beloved Abraham-Hicks made an appearance, reminding me about contrast being the basis for creation. From knowing what I don’t want I get clear about what I do want to experience. From that experience of contrast clarity is born, a rocket of desire is launched and creation is birthed. Then it’s up to me to feel good, to get happy and allow life to unfold beautifully. They pointed out that every subject is really two subjects, there is that which is wanted and the lack of it. “Which end of the stick are you vibrating from?” Abraham asked me.

So today I’m resting in gratitude. I intend this day to be in no mind, to sink into my Source. I choose to feel good, no matter what, for when I feel good I am in harmony with who I really am.  Well-being abounds. I am loved. All is well.

Peace and blessings.

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Boldly Making Fearless Choices

I find that I avoid things that are good for me.  My Wii workout for example only takes 20 minutes and leaves me loose and limber and it only takes a moment to talk myself out of doing it. Qi Gong makes me feel wonderful, grounded and open but I avoid it like the plague. There are some mornings when I cannot get myself to sit down and meditate, I find all kinds of things to occupy myself with instead: washing dishes, cleaning the cat box, sorting socks, all the while my Inner Voice (IV) is going “aw, bless your heart, look at what you’re doing.”

Lately I’ve found myself calling out to the Universe going “What am I doing here? What am I supposed to be doing? Where’s my husband, house, children, money …. I’ve been working on this for years and I’ve nothing to show for it.”  IV just smiles in the back of my head and reminds me that my book has been written for two years and I haven’t done anything with it since it received one rejection letter in 2008. She goes on to tell me that I’ve been learning so much the past few years it’d be really beneficial to share some of that wisdom. Then, she continues, there’s the music, you keep cranking out these lovely new songs and no one hears them. “You’re supposed to be shining your light,” she says.

I’ve avoided this for long enough. I admit, I’m afraid of being marvelous, it’s much easier to appear mediocre and not expect much of myself. It is my light that frightens me. At the same time I know that my purpose in life is to inspire and uplift through the example of my life as Love personified. It’s time to put up or shut up.

So this week I’ve made bold, fearless choices (something else I’ve been affirming since 2006). I published my children’s book on Amazon, the Kindle version is up and running already. I’ve announced dates when I’ll be teaching a Reiki 1 class. Next stop, recording some of these wonderful songs I’ve been blessed with. Don’t know how that’s going to come about but it doesn’t matter, I know it will be done. There’s healing here, there’s laughter here, there’s joy here and that’s what life is about. Woo! Feels good.

I composed this affirmation in an acting class in 2006: “I gladly make bold, fearless choices that allow my authentic self to shine. My radiance heals the world.” Around the same time I first heard the passage called Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson. It has taken me 4 years to take a step forward but I’m moving now, look out world, my light is on full beam!

Our Deepest Fear
by Marianne Williamson
from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

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