I’m not a person that takes a lot of pills. I have my daily vitamins, and once a month I have an Advil day, but aside from that I don’t find it necessary. Last week I pulled everything
out of my medicine cabinet and started examining the contents. I had bottles of pills, potions and pouches of pain killers going back years. I ended up with a pile of medicines that expired collectively between 2004 and 2007. It felt really good to clear out that space and got me wondering what other outdated clutter I was holding onto unnecessarily.
There’s the physical clutter, the stuff that sits around my apartment gathering dust, taking up space. If I don’t love it and haven’t used something in 6 months it’s time for it to be donated or recycled.
Then there’s the energetic clutter. I listened to a conference call hosted by Michael Bernard Beckwith in which he was talking about relationships and answering relationship questions. One caller asked about letting go of the past and Michael started speaking about forgiveness being the key. Keep the good stuff, the great memories and experiences and bless and let go of the rest. Write a letter, have an imaginary conversation with the person, no need to go confronting anyone. As I was listening I became aware of a huge knot in my throat, I felt as though I was choking on it. I.V. whispered the name of a former partner and I knew I was still holding onto something from our relationship and resolved to let that go. But how? How do I do that?
In this case it took care of itself. I was in my shower when I saw myself and my former partner in a counseling session. The practitioner asked me what I would like to say and I started talking about a painful incident that had occurred during our time together. Something I had never been able to talk about freely at the time so the anger and fear I felt had become buried. I was speaking from the heart, expressing my own pain without blaming or pointing fingers, I just got to say how I felt, how this event had affected me, something that had not occurred at the time. I concluded with forgiving myself for everything, forgiving him for everything and accepting that I was forgiven. I imagined it all being washed down the drain as the shower cleansed my consciousness. The next day I felt exhausted but lighter. I was able to talk to my ex in person and let him know that I will always love him, something I wasn’t sure he knew.
And now I have space. Space for more love to fill up, space for joy to emerge, space through which good can be expressed and I am grateful. Growth is not easy. Something has to change. Room has to be made and there are painful spurts when something good is trying to emerge but is being blocked by an outmoded way of being or thinking, by resentment or regret. That’s when I ask what can I let go of? How is this serving me? I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you.